My immortal: the commentary
by fanfic is coming
Summary: Decided to jump on the band wagon and do this.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So I've decided to finally make a My Immortal commentary. Beware that this is the worst fanfic ever wrote and you may loose brain cells from reading it. Enjoy your free brain bleach with every chapter (you're going to need it). If it sounds like I'm complimenting her or I'm being dumb I'm actually being sarcastic. I will be doing that a lot. **

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **(I do and it isn't funny.)** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **(You were the one who made it look that way.)** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **(This is only the authors' notes and I already think Raven is a figment of your imagination.)**U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **(I fail to see how this Justin dude – who is probably another figment of your imagination or My Chemical Romance is relevant.) **

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **(Who in their right mind would name their child ****_that?_****)** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **(Because babies are born with long, dark hair.)** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **(I don't even like eavanesance but I don't think they deserve to be dragged into this story) **I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **(That's called incest. Maybe you guys could be like Cersei and Jamie Lannister. Also, why did you have to drag My Chemical Romance into this? They don't deserve this.)** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **(I thought they were supposed to be circular, blunt and rainbow coloured)** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **(Scotland)** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) **(No shit, Sherlock)**. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **(You sound more emo but whatever.)** and I wear mostly black. **(Really? I thought Goths wore yellow!)** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **(Because hot topic is ****_so _****gothic.)**For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **(No one cares what you are wearing.)** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **(That's called sleet.) **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **(OMG SO BADASS!)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **(No. Just no. how can you drag him into this?)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **(Since when was Draco Malfoy shy?) **

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(That's a polite way to exit a conversation)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: IS it good? **(No)** PLZ tell me fangz!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **(Not all of us are preps. We will never stop flaming so… COME AT ME BRO!)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. **(Its called sleet, you stupid Mary Sue!) **I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **(I don't think vampires can drink blood that isn't in a human body and even if they can I don't think they like to.)** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **(Hot pink is so gothic!)** I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **(No one cares about what you are wearing.)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **(So she woke up, grinned at you, flipped her hair****_ and then_**** opened her eyes?)** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **(No one cares what willow is wearing.)**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" **(That sounded pretty preppy to me.) **she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **(Vampires can't blush)**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **(Whoa there. It looks like its mood swing o'clock in this… fanfic.)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(Because you flirt with people you "so fucking don't" like)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(I don't listen to Good Charlotte but apologies to them for being dragged into this.)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **(She gasps a lot. Get used to it.)**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Welcome to chapter 3. Have some brain bleach and chocolate.**

AN: STOP FLAMMING **(no) **DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!** (If any real "goffs" read this they would be ashamed that someone like you calls themselves a goth)** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **(You mean lace.)** on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.** (y'know, just casually self harming because you feel depressed for some unknown reason.)** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **(I'm imagining her as a racoon because of the TONS of eyeliner. I giggled a little.)** Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **(I believe the weasleys are the only people who own a flying car.)**He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **(No one cares what Draco is wearing.) **

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **(Yay! They might OD and die!)** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **(We know that. If you owned them they would be misspelled and mention suicide.) **

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" **(You just said another guy is hot when you are on a date. What do you think is wrong with him?) ** I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **(This is so out of character that even J.K Rowling wants to punch you.)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(How does one have a blonde face?)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into…**(the suspense is killing me.)** the Forbidden Forest! **(It's forbidden for a reason you idiots.) **


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I know this chapter is short but don't let that fool you. You may need extra brain bleach for this one. You may also want to have a cuddly toy or a shoulder to cry on too. **

AN: I sed stup flaming **(No.)**ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su **(Wait… How can Ebony's name be Enoby if it's Ebony? Or is it really Enoby? Im confused.) **OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! **(Obviously he didn't have any friends to tell him to be himself.) ** dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **(For once she is acting like a sensible human being. I would also be mad if someone brought me into the forbidden forest because it's dangerous.) **

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. **(And then you fell to your deaths and we all lived happily ever after.)**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **(Red colour contacts would probably mask any feeling in his eyes. He is only wearing them to look 'goffick')**

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **(Just as you what? That sentence confuses me.)** Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(You can swear and talk about suicide but you can't bring yourself to say penis or vagina… or any other words people use for them.)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. **(I don't think you would get an orgasm that quick and if it really is your first time it would probably hurt.) ** We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore! **(What the ever living fuck did you do to Dumbledore. He would never even say those words. )**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Welcome to chapter five of this monstrosity. Here is your brain bleach and brain cell implants.**

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **(No it doesn't and we will never stop 'flaming'.)** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **(So it's ok to shout swear words at students if you have a headache. I'm going to tell all my teachers this.)** ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. **(I would too if I caught students having sex in the FORBIDDEN forest.)**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. 

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.**(you should see a doctor about that…)** Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall **(Why is she there? She isn't the head of your house.)**who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the ForbiddenForest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **(So would I. They were in the FORBIDDEN forest having SEXUAL INTERCORSE. Both of which are breaking school rules.)**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(Remember kids, if you are ever in a sticky situation involving another person just shout "BECAUSE I LOVE HER/HIM" and everything will be ok.)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **(Aww… such a sweet ending. I'm surprised that she hasn't slit her wrists in this chapter.) **


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Welcome to chapter six. Take this brain bleach and spare set of eyes in case your eyes burn out of your skull.**

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **(so you mean shit up or shut up?im confused again…)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears.**(No one cares what you are wearing.)** I spray-painted my hair with purple.**(I'm pretty sure that would kill your hair.)**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal **(You must of used magic to change some other cereal into it because no one sells that in the UK.)** with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.**(I thought the blood was supposed to be blue.)** Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.**(Don't worry. Black and red would hide the blood stains perfectly.) **

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick.**(Hey, don't you have a boyfriend?)** He didn't have glasses anymore **(Lots of people have glasses. Maybe she isn't ruining another character.)** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.**(Lots of people can get scars on there forheads…)** He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent.**(People from England go to Hogwarts too so it could be anyone…)** He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.**(You said it first.) **

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why did you have to drag harry into this! *goes into corner and cries.*)**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **(Warning: If a guy says he likes the taste of human blood he is probably a psycho. If he giggles after he says it then he is a psycho. **

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **(All I can think of when she says this is her wearing Luna's lion costume, jumping on to the table, shouting this and then striking a lion pose.)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(Who taught this bitch manners? That's twice she has left in mid conversation without saying goodbye.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Welcome to chapter seven of this….story. Take some brain bleach and a nice glass of firewhiskey. You're going to need it.**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **(You say she is depressed but you wont say why. Sounds like she is faking her depression.)**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **(yes)**I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…**(You are killing me with suspense.)**

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(Incredibly so.) **

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

I was so angry. **(Why? He obviously got it before he dated you.)**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **(No. You didn't stop to think you idiotic dunce.) **

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(I hope you mean from the tattoo parlor…)**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. **(then why did you tell us about his really big you- know- what?)**I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **(she swears but she can't bring herself to say penis or vagina.)**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I thought of a good game we can play for the rest of the fanfic. If you see a spelling/grammar error by Tara you get to take a drink. If she misspells or gets someone's name wrong take a shot. If she writes a terrible sex scene take 5 shots. If she uses text language in the story (authors notes don't count) take 3 shots. You may get alcohol poisoning but being drunk will make her fanfic seem less horrific. **

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep! **(I'm going to assume you mean flossing when you say 'flassing'.)**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **(For once, someone in this fanfic is right about something.)**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on.**(What is it with the girls in this story that they flip their hair then open their eyes?)** She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )** (Great. The evil Mary Sue ruined Hermione too.) **

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **(No, Vampire isn't your boyfriend. Draco is your boyfriend.)**

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **(If he was a goth then, why would he want to date Britney?)**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the ForbiddenForest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **(You lost your manliness?)**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Welcome to chapter 9. Take your brain bleach and your forgetting spells.**

AN: stop flaming ok! **(No.)** I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! **(what.) **

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) **(So much for the big reveal…)** and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" **(That's Hermione's cat.)** I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **(I know Voldemort is old but I'm pretty sure he isn't old enough to be in one of Shakespeare's plays.)**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(It took you two chapters to figure that out. You must be an advanced kind of stupid.)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **(I can imagine this. I think I'm gonna pee myself from laughter.)** "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. **(How does he know that from being able to move things by using his mind?)** "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **(You just met Voldemort who told you to kill your friend or he will kill Draco and you act completely normal. You are a strange person.)**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **(Yes I get it but a pentagram isn't even a Satanist thing.)**between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **(How in the name of Merlin can you make out while walking out of a forest and into school?)**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Welcome to chapter 10. Have some brain bleach and a prank set from Weasley's wizard wheezes. **

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! **(I thought you liked gay people. )**ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **(I have no idea what I just read.)**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **(Real goth and metal bands would be ashamed of you. Who even names a band Bloody Gothic Rose 666?)**I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **(Yet another reason why you are a Mary Sue.)**People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **(Umm… that would sound really bad.)** The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. **(Isn't that something to do with juggling?)**He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid. **(Is Hargrid one of Hagrid's cousins?) **Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **(You have wrote it in this story before.)** or a steak) **(Vampires can die from a piece of meat?)** and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **(That's not depressing. It's a kids movie.)**I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.**(Just because you wear slutty clothes does not mean you are a slut but a lot of other things you do in this story could be classified as slutty. Don't want to say any now because I don't want to spoil anything for first time readers.)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **(Didn't you say you were just writing songs because some of the band members aren't there?)**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. **(Whoa rude!)**And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **(You burst into tears while already bursting into tears. You said fucking too many times in that bit of dialogue.)**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **(Yes. Everyone is out of character in this story.)**

I started to cry and cry. **(You were already crying.)** Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **(That is so out of character it hurts.)**

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **(Ohhh…. Shit just got real. *grabs popcorn*)**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **(How do you cry wisely?)**(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **(But you just said vampires cant die from that.)**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Welcome to chapter 11. Take your brain bleach and signed copy of my immortal. The demon that planted the idea into her head signed loads of copies for me. His name is Larry. He was a friendly demon like Klem from Buffy the vampire slayer.**

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! **(Never!)**c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! **(Suuure it does. *rolls eyes*)**sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.**(No, he would look like a teacher who is concerned about one of his pupils but I guess he doesn't like you that much.)**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a LinkinPark song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! **(For the first time in this story she actually has a reason to be sad. I don't think she should kill herself though. That would mean I cant fill up my spare time writing this.)**I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.**(No. One. CARES!)** I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. **(What? You are wearing clothes.)**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! **(You just described what you are wearing.)**ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **(I can imaging harry ripping a womb out of himself then shuoting this at Snape and Lupin. Someone get harry some professional help.)**I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"**(No. He is the care of magical creatures teacher.)**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"**(What does that have to do with anything?)**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."**(Why would Snape care? He would just sigh and continue what he was doing beforehand.) **

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **(I can imagine Lupin sittin on an elephant holding a camera up high and waving it about like a madman.) **"The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **(For the humans out there she means when you haven't had enough fluids or food.)**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.** (Does she mean cloak or clock?)**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **(Drink his blood. Put him out of the misery of being in this fanfic.)**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **(I'm trying to picture this but all I can think of is a bunch of Goths singing candy shop.)**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.**(I don't think Goths are connected with satan. Snape wouldn't care anyway. If he was going to make that comment he would of said it sarcasticly.)**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **(*Hits ebony across the head and drags her into a dark room.* **

**Ebony wakes up. She is confused about how she got into this dark room. She notices that there are people surrounding her.**

**"Hello. Help me! I want to go home to all my gothic friends. They are all in love with me because of my beautiful gothicness and depression that I have for no reason."**

**Suddenly, a light begins to flicker. Everyone starts chanting "Mary Sue" while skipping in circles around our poor dim-witted nitwit Ebony. Ebony then faints and we leave her in the room to die. **

**Fin.)**


End file.
